My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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