I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
