The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
