I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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