sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
