dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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