Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
