Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
