I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
