I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
