Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
