he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
