I think my vagina is haunted
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
