everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
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the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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