ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
