I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He uses pillows to masturbate.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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