Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
