What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
