i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
