I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize