12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
