I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
