I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
