Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
