Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
