I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
