I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
