Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
home. puking in laundry basket.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
