I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
