Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
