was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
