I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
