How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
