Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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