Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
