i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dear god my vagina.
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