I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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