Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
