Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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