if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
