It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
