We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
