Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
