Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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