well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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