have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
