oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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