I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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