Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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