Capitaan dildo arrescate!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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