Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
