oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
