chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
