I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It's just like the Real World with babies
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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