Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
even my farts smell like vagina
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
