I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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