Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
