If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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