Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
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you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
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I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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