did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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