you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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