is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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